Bullying

We see the word all the time. BULLYING. We know kids shouldn't be doing it. We know that some kids commit suicide because of it. Do any of us realize that we do it everyday? I have friends who work in anti-homophobic bullying initiatives. My parents do research in something called lateral violence in Aboriginal communities. Bullying is talked about a lot in my world.

I wasn't really bullied as a kid. I know this comes as a shock to a lot of people considering I was one really effing weird kid. I can name all of my bullies and the situations:
-age 3, family friend kept pushing and hitting me. With her parents' permission, my dad told me to hit her back. I punched her in the face. She never hit me again.
-Grade 3. A kid who I'm pretty sure was named Rocky. He kept throwing my indoor shoes on the muddy carpet in the mudroom. I played nice. Then my mom gave him a talking to.
-Grade 5. A girl in my class kept dropping her pencil under my chair and pestering me. I fake picked my nose and wiped it on her pencil when I picked it up. We became great friends in junior high.
-Junior high. A group of girls I was friends with told me not to be friends with another girl because of her religion. I told them to eff off. 

Me rocking a perm and headgear.

I've been bullied more as an adult in the work place. I've been the only one not invited for lunch. I've been made fun of because of how I dress. I've been called a prude (hilarious, if you know me). I've been screamed at for something I didn't do. I've been excluded because I wouldn't join in mocking another colleague's wife (who happens to be a good friend). I've had my projects ignored. I've even been told that I am "just a secretary" and my opinions don't matter.

I've always been a really confident person. I mean, I pulled off a perm, glasses and headgear. Then there was a period in my mid to late 20's where I felt like crap. It was after I dropped out of university for the second time. I felt like people thought I was stupid and my opinion didn't matter because I wasn't educated. And it was true. I was working entry level positions at jobs I was over-qualified for. I felt like crap. Then I followed my own advice, if you feel like crap - look at who you are surrounding yourself with and take action. So, I did. I got knocked up and left the work force so I'd no longer have to deal with adult bullies...or so I thought.

Then entered the world of "mommy wars." It is a real thing people. And it is ridiculous. The flame wars people have on formula vs. breastmilk. Whether or not to circumcise. Or even the fabrics you clothe your child in are insane. In real parenting groups and online ones, there are cliques. The crunchy moms over here and the chewy moms over there. I've been called "crazy" for being "one of those babywearing moms who breastfeeds forever." I'm crazy, but not because of babywearing. 

You can't always stop your bullies, but you can stop bullying yourself. We might not be punching someone by the bike racks for milk money, but we still bully. Gossip and exclusion are the 2 biggest ways adults bully. We have a rule in my family about talking about people. Before we say something about someone, we ask 3 questions: 1) is it good? 2) is it true? 3) is it helpful? We have to be able to answer yes to at least 2 of those questions. I challenge you all to ask yourself those questions. I challenge you to apologize when you have offended someone or hurt their feelings without accusing of "over-reaction." I also challenge you to call me on my shit. I'm a horribly negative petty gossipy person by nature. If you hear me talking crap, say "whoa..."

Like Ellen always says, be kind to one another.