AP = Crazy

Here's the thing about parenting, there is no "right" way to do it. If you and your kids are happy and healthy - then it is working. It isn't working if you are frustrated, your kid cries all the time, your relationship is suffering...

Not too long ago, I ran into an acquaintance (another parent) and her friend while wearing Juniper on my back in a mei tai. We were chatting about dayhomes and I said that I'm not going back to work, but if I was, I'd want to make sure I found a childcare person who followed a similar style of parenting like babywearing. The acquaintance said to her friend "there are parents who don't just wear their kids for walks, but it is like a lifestyle to have your kid attached to you all the time. Like that crazy mom on the cover of Times." I answered, frankly, "I am one of those moms." Then went on to explain that we wouldn't have survived as a species if we hadn't worn our children. I explained cultural norms about 'extended' breastfeeding and co-sleeping using the Japanese as an example. I even explained it in a cultural perspective, since both my acquaintance and I are Aboriginal. 

The thing that got me about the interaction was being called crazy. This isn't the first or last time I've been referred to as crazy for my Attachment Parenting ways. D and I have been told not to have our child in our bed because it is like "allowing sled dogs into the igloo - they will never leave." I've been told that breastfeeding without bottles will mean Juni will only be attached to me. Don't even get me started on the looks and comments we get while wearing Juni instead of pushing her around in a giant stroller. 

AP parents are called crazy all the time. We are on the receiving end of judgmental comments thinly veiled as concern for our health and the safety of our children. We are seem as crunchy, hippies and unconventional. All for doing a parenting style that was very common up until about 150 years ago. 

People also assume that since we do one aspect of AP parenting that we buy into it all. D and I don't. There are aspects of our parenting that are strongly AP and even crunchy - not because we feel like we need to do those things to fit into a certain title - but because they speak to who we are as people and our natural instincts. 

I have friends who formula fed, had their children sleep in cribs from day 1, pushed them in strollers weren't stay-at-home parents...all non-AP things. I don't think they are crazy or bad parents. They have wonderful healthy children. They are strong as families.  

I hear parents say all the time "my mother-in-law says..." or "my doctor said..." and I ask "well, how do you feel about it?" If something feels fundamentally wrong to you, follow your instincts. We as parents know what our children need. When we ignore the signs and our inner voice is when we get into the whole "I don't know what my baby needs" thing. That doesn't mean you shouldn't read the books or consult medical professionals - you should. But, it means that you need to question the way you were raised and the advice you are being given. 

And for the love of god, let's not call each other crazy when we are trying to do the best for our families.