I blog from my own perspective - I am in a hetero-marriage. I am a stay-at-home mom with a gainfully employed spouse. I share a house in the 'burbs of a big Canadian city with 2 kids (a boy and girl), 2 dogs and a husband. We are the modern NUCLEAR FAMILY. I do not blog to alienate those in other kinds of families. I listen to your stories, but I don't know your perspectives. I am not you. Please, write your own blogs and openly share your experiences because there are enough people like me.
Here is my tribute to you...
Single Mamas:
Whether you got to your alone and fabulous state because of divorce, a "whoops" or because you chose to have a baby alone, you aren't invisible to me. You are there playing all roles for your kiddo most (or all the time). Dad might be involved some or none of the time. You struggle to find balance when you are everyone. Mamas, you are doing alright. No, your kid won't be messed up because they don't have a male influence. They will be alright because they got you. Mother's Day usually comes and goes without someone making sure your kid knows to do something nice for you. Well, I can't send you all flowers or make you breakfast in bed - but thanks, from us kids.
Single Daddies:
Maybe you co-parent with mom and have the kids every second week or on weekends. Some of you have the kids most of the time. There are some of you with sole custody because mom bailed. Everyone thinks you are fumbling because you aren't a "Mom." Screw them. Dad, you are alright. Sure, ponytails aren't perfect and lunch doesn't contain a perfect balance of all the food groups - but those things are over-rated. You give killer hugs, tell the best stories in the dark and make the best coach. You are working with mom to co-parent. You don't want to be the stereotypical deadbeat. Dad, you are doing a good job. High-five.
Solo parents: Oil wives, military spouses, trucker families, etc. You mostly live the life of the single parent - but then your partner comes home to mess up routine and make you second guess all of the parenting decisions you've made on your own. They leave, your relationship gets put on pause. You deal with the loneliness, the kids adjusting to an in-out parent, trying to be intimate over Skype... You're doing the best you can for your family. You really are. Your ability to adapt and go with flow will teach your kids the same thing. They will be flexible and spontaneous - the best kids of people.
Travelling parents: The partners of the solo parents. You come and go. When you are home, you play catch up. You make up for lost time the best you can. Sometimes, your kids aren't sure what role yiu play and don't always respect you as a parent. Relationships are hard when you are away more often than you are home. You jam 2 weeks into 4 days. The time away is spent in oil camps, hotel rooms, base camps looking over photos of your loved ones while you drift off to sleep alone. They miss you because you matter. It might not always feel like you have a role when you are home, but you really do. They worry about getting too attached because when you are away, it hurts. You are doing what you need to do to feed your family and that is okay. They love you.
Step-parents: You ended up a parent of a kid that isn't your blood because you got hitched. The kid isn't quite sure what they think about you. They might be with you full-time or just on weekends. You aren't their "real mom." They don't respect you. You can't discipline. No one wants to hear your two-sense about how to deal with the kids in your house. Well, you are brave. Trust me, their behaviour has very little to do with you and everything to do with testing boundaries. Stay strong. They will love you and thank you one day.
Lost-child parents: Adoption moms, miscarriage/ abortion moms, parents of a dead child - you have a emptiness that others don't always understand. Your loss will always be felt in your soul. People always say the wrong thing instead of the right. You want someone to acknowledge, not downplay your loss or your choice. Your life will never be the same. Heal and carry-on in whatever way you need to. Be honest with those close to you about your experience and your pain - even if it takes a lifetime. In the quietness of your loss, you are strong. Very strong.
Parents of atypical kids: Your kid might be fighting an illness, maybe you are an autism mom or your kid is diagnosed with ADHD. The world loves to weigh in on why your kid is the way they are and what you could be doing better. I'm sorry. Your kids aren't typical. You are finding peace in the struggle. Some days it is really hard and you want to run away (that happens with parents of typical kids too). You know your kids and are doing good by them. You fight harder than any other parents I know. Your kids are beyond lucky to have you fighting on their team.
Queer parents: You have the most interesting stories on your way to parenthood. Some of you were in hetero marriages. Some of you found donors. Some of you adopted. All of you have more eyes watching than any other parents I know. People make the strangest assumptions about your families. They assume your kids won't have a male or female influence - because that matters. You tend to make up the most educated, kind, aware parents I have ever met. Same-sex couples don't have an "oops" and become parents - you made the conscious choice. I like your kids.
Poly-parents: The world doesn't want to acknowledge you exist. When they do, they think religious cult instead of cool people raising their kids together in an open relationship. You communicate better than most other relationships - we can learn from you. Your kids have more loving hands on deck and we all know the more caring adults in a kids life equals a more confident child. The webs of your relationships strengthen your children. Your stories on the road to joined parenthood are some of the most interesting out there. Don't hide in the shadows. Tell your stories and be proud of your unique relationships.
Mother's Day was created to honor Ann Reeves Jarvis, a social activist and community builder who spent her life trying to better the lives of poor & sick mothers and their children. The day is about honouring primary care-givers (mothers or not) and making the world better for those who raise children. The holiday was to honor activists who help struggling parents. In lieu of (or addition to) gifts for yourself, take time to make the world better for a struggling family. Take time to listen to the stories of parents in situations different from your own. Give them a hug and thank them for doing a good job. Mother the world.
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