A letter to my children...

A letter to my children (ages 8 weeks & 2 years):

Someday, you will be grown and I will be old. For now, I watch you while you sleep wondering what future you dream of. I will rub my nose against your furry bald head, stroke my hand against your chubby cheeks and take in your new person smell. I will cherish your many kisses and hold your hand as we walk together exploring the world. Your emerging smiles will make me grin. You will dance, sing nursery rhymes and make me giggle when you parrot my phrases. We will bake cookies, make messes, blow bubbles, and watch bugs. I will kiss your ouchies, wipe tears and hold you tight. Even when my back aches, I will carry you feeling your heart beating against mine. I will feed you from my breast while staring into your eyes contemplating their final color. We will read my favourite stories and watch them become your own. When you fall asleep in the truck, on the couch or even the floor, I will carry you in my arms to bed feeling your body melt into mine. Years from now, I won't remember the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, tantrums, or worries. I will be the old lady at the grocery store telling the new parents, tired and worn to the bone, to cherish every moment before it is gone and enjoy them while they are so small - when all they really want is 3 hours of consecutive sleep. There will be days for sport practise, first crushes, driving cars, weddings... For now, I will watch you while you sleep and try to soak it all in. Someday, when you are grown and I am old - this is what I will miss the most. 

All the single ladies...

I blog from my own perspective - I am in a hetero-marriage. I am a stay-at-home mom with a gainfully employed spouse. I share a house in the 'burbs of a big Canadian city with 2 kids (a boy and girl), 2 dogs and a husband. We are the modern NUCLEAR FAMILY. I do not blog to alienate those in other kinds of families. I listen to your stories, but I don't know your perspectives. I am not you. Please, write your own blogs and openly share your experiences because there are enough people like me. 

Here is my tribute to you...

Single mamas, this is a shout out to you. Single daddies, solo parents, travelling parents, step-parents, lost child parents, parents of atypical kids, queer parents, poly-parents...you too. You are the parents the world likes to pretend don't exist. Well, you do and I know you! 

Single Mamas:

Whether you got to your alone and fabulous state because of divorce, a "whoops" or because you chose to have a baby alone, you aren't invisible to me. You are there playing all roles for your kiddo most (or all the time). Dad might be involved some or none of the time. You struggle to find balance when you are everyone. Mamas, you are doing alright. No, your kid won't be messed up because they don't have a male influence. They will be alright because they got you. Mother's Day usually comes and goes without someone making sure your kid knows to do something nice for you. Well, I can't send you all flowers or make you breakfast in bed - but thanks, from us kids.

Single Daddies:

Maybe you co-parent with mom and have the kids every second week or on weekends. Some of you have the kids most of the time. There are some of you with sole custody because mom bailed. Everyone thinks you are fumbling because you aren't a "Mom." Screw them. Dad, you are alright. Sure, ponytails aren't perfect and lunch doesn't contain a perfect balance of all the food groups - but those things are over-rated. You give killer hugs, tell the best stories in the dark and make the best coach. You are working with mom to co-parent. You don't want to be the stereotypical deadbeat. Dad, you are doing a good job. High-five. 

Solo parents: Oil wives, military spouses, trucker families, etc. You mostly live the life of the single parent - but then your partner comes home to mess up routine and make you second guess all of the parenting decisions you've made on your own. They leave, your relationship gets put on pause. You deal with the loneliness, the kids adjusting to an in-out parent, trying to be intimate over Skype... You're doing the best you can for your family. You really are. Your ability to adapt and go with flow will teach your kids the same thing. They will be flexible and spontaneous - the best kids of people. 

Travelling parents: The partners of the solo parents. You come and go. When you are home, you play catch up. You make up for lost time the best you can. Sometimes, your kids aren't sure what role yiu play and don't always respect you as a parent. Relationships are hard when you are away more often than you are home. You jam 2 weeks into 4 days. The time away is spent in oil camps, hotel rooms, base camps looking over photos of your loved ones while you drift off to sleep alone. They miss you because you matter. It might not always feel like you have a role when you are home, but you really do. They worry about getting too attached because when you are away, it hurts. You are doing what you need to do to feed your family and that is okay. They love you. 

Step-parents: You ended up a parent of a kid that isn't your blood because you got hitched. The kid isn't quite sure what they think about you. They might be with you full-time or just on weekends. You aren't their "real mom." They don't respect you. You can't discipline. No one wants to hear your two-sense about how to deal with the kids in your house. Well, you are brave. Trust me, their behaviour has very little to do with you and everything to do with testing boundaries. Stay strong. They will love you and thank you one day. 

Lost-child parents: Adoption moms, miscarriage/ abortion moms, parents of a dead child - you have a emptiness that others don't always understand. Your loss will always be felt in your soul. People always say the wrong thing instead of the right. You want someone to acknowledge, not downplay your loss or your choice. Your life will never be the same. Heal and carry-on in whatever way you need to. Be honest with those close to you about your experience and your pain - even if it takes a lifetime. In the quietness of your loss, you are strong. Very strong. 

Parents of atypical kids: Your kid might be fighting an illness, maybe you are an autism mom or your kid is diagnosed with ADHD. The world loves to weigh in on why your kid is the way they are and what you could be doing better. I'm sorry. Your kids aren't typical. You are finding peace in the struggle. Some days it is really hard and you want to run away (that happens with parents of typical kids too). You know your kids and are doing good by them. You fight harder than any other parents I know. Your kids are beyond lucky to have you fighting on their team. 

Queer parents: You have the most interesting stories on your way to parenthood. Some of you were in hetero marriages. Some of you found donors. Some of you adopted. All of you have more eyes watching than any other parents I know. People make the strangest assumptions about your families. They assume your kids won't have a male or female influence - because that matters. You tend to make up the most educated, kind, aware parents I have ever met. Same-sex couples don't have an "oops" and become parents - you made the conscious choice. I like your kids. 

Poly-parents: The world doesn't want to acknowledge you exist. When they do, they think religious cult instead of cool people raising their kids together in an open relationship. You communicate better than most other relationships - we can learn from you. Your kids have more loving hands on deck and we all know the more caring adults in a kids life equals a more confident child. The webs of your relationships strengthen your children. Your stories on the road to joined parenthood are some of the most interesting out there. Don't hide in the shadows. Tell your stories and be proud of your unique relationships. 

Mother's Day was created to honor Ann Reeves Jarvis, a social activist and community builder who spent her life trying to better the lives of poor & sick mothers and their children. The day is about honouring primary care-givers (mothers or not) and making the world better for those who raise children. The holiday was to honor activists who help struggling parents. In lieu of (or addition to) gifts for yourself, take time to make the world better for a struggling family. Take time to listen to the stories of parents in situations different from your own. Give them a hug and thank them for doing a good job. Mother the world. 

Holy motherhood, Batman.

Mothers' Day is fast approaching and it has me thinking about views on motherhood. Brace yourself, ladies, this ride is going to get bumpy. The women/ mother on a pedestal thing always irritates me. Not just in a religious sense, but a feminist/ societal sense. Here is why:

1. Religion. I would like to start by examining the ancient religious belief that motherhood is the holiest of callings. Judeo-Christian religions believe in bringing many children into the house of God. I can quote religious texts, but really, anyone who has stepped into a mosque or church knows this is a common belief. Let's move on. Hooray, you can breed! The mother role in religion ignores the women who can't/ don't want to be mothers. Is their calling so much less than mine? To quote a friend, "As a Christian  woman, my highest calling is not to be a mother. My highest calling is to be more like Christ. This is also the highest calling of Christian men." Amen, sister. 

2. Media. Yes, moms are pretty great...but so are dads. Media would like us to believe that moms have their shit together and dad is basically another child. He is the Homer Simpson. He is fat, lazy, likes sports, drinks beer, and only interacts with his kids when his wife nags. Can we stop this portrayal please? Bring back the Full House men! Bring back Dr Huxtable! Where are those dads? Dads have value too. When we put mom on a pedestal, we ignore dads and we continue to perpetuate the "idiot father" role that is so prevalent in media. He doesn't know what to do or have value because he is "just dad." It lets those men who really just wanted to get laid and not parent off the hook. It allows them to be "just dad" instead of being a parent. It makes moms who do 90% of the work because of those dead-beat dad feel alone in their parenting journey. Those dad's deserve a kick in the junk. For the most part (at least in my circle), dads want to be there for their kids. They don't always have great role models or know exactly what to do. More on dad's later. 

3. Politics and history. We won the vote in Canada because women/ mothers were supposed to bring a moral kindness to government. Because, you know, women/ mothers are more moral than men/ fathers. That was a common view 100 years ago...can we please not move on? Women can be awful and horribly immoral. You know all those fucked up criminals/ psychopaths/ politicians out there? What do you think their moms are like? 

4. Hardest job. My paternal grandmother has 13 biological children. 13! Out of her vagina! If you asked her what the hardest job in the world was, I bet you she wouldn't have said "mother." My maternal grandmother raised 5 kids (she had 7 total) in a farm house with no running water, indoor plumbing or central heat in rural Alberta. I've never heard her talk about raising kids like she was a martyr. They did what they did because that is just what you did back then. Simple. 

I can tell you that motherhood has changed me in ways I was to prepared for. I had a traumatic birth with my daughter that lead to anxiety. My husband and I took months to navigate being a couple while being parents (we are doing it all over again right now). There are days when I get frustrated, irritated, touched out. My body is different. I also get to spend my days snuggling my favorite people. I get to be silly and relive all my favorite things from being a kid. I get to make Playdough. I have been able to partake in the amazing things my body can do...like make milk!

Yes, it is hard to be a mom. You get tired, barfed on, touched out, blah, blah, blah... Okay, ladies, lets be real. Being a modern mom isn't as hard as Facebook memes want everyone to believe.I have 2 kids. Because I have access to birth control, knowing that marital rape is wrong and not being married as a teenager. My house has power and running water. I don't have to lug gallons of water from the lake, scrape soap to make detergent, chop wood, and get blisters just to do a load of laundry. I open the door of my laundry room and shove my kids poop clothes into our lovely brand-new stacked Whirlpool washer and dryer - leaving me plenty of time to check my Facebook while my angels nap. Guess what, I didn't have to cut the head off or pluck the feathers off the chicken we ate for dinner tonight. I didn't tend a garden for our vegetables either. My house is a mess because I choose to watch a hour of cartoons with my 2 year old while knitting instead of washing the floors and not because I really didn't have the time. I have the exact same hours in a day that my grandmothers did. They also did a hell of a lot more than I do. I have never once ironed my sheets or tea towels. I play more than they ever did, but I also slack off a lot more. Exhibit A, I am writing a blog at 1 am while eating girl guide cookies. 

I also suck at being a mom sometimes. I let my toddler watch YouTube videos so I can sleep in. I feed her McDonalds because I am too lazy to actually make lunch. I let my newborn sleep in a dirty diaper so I can pee and shower because I know when I change him that he will wake up and I hate nursing with a full bladder. I yell when I get mad. I bribe with candy to make life easier sometimes. I have faults. Know why? I am a frickin' human being and not some mothering angel sent from heaven. I am a normal person who sort of sucks at their job sometimes. The job still gets done. I consider it a successful day if the kids are fed, relatively clean and not on fire...

Being a mom is hard. So are lots of other things. You know how when you think something is going to hurt, so it hurts more than if you just thought it would be fine? Motherhood is like that too. If we talked about the joys instead of how tired we were - maybe it wouldn't seem so hard? Maybe then we wouldn't be martyrs of our own making?

5. Ignoring dad. Other than growing the child, birthing and breastfeeding - dad's can basically do everything moms can do. Why do we pretend this isn't true? Dad can kiss boo-boos. He can give baths, change diapers, drive you to soccer, cook dinner, make ponytails.... Why is his calling to be a parent less than mine? Why does Walmart not have a "Father of the year" award that includes a makeover? Oh right, because only Mom becomes frumpy and tired after having kids. 

I will rave and rave about my husband as a father. He is truly the "modern dad." D would love to stay at home with the kiddos, but he owns a business and literally makes 3 times the amount of money that I did when working. Right now, he is working his ass off for our family. Yes, he isn't here for the 8-4 shift with the kids. Instead, he is bringing home the bacon so I can be here for that shift and you know, feed the kids. He LOVES being Daddy. Today, was a particular shitty one for him at work. He snuck home at lunch for a quick visit because he needed to be cheered up. Our 2 yo cried at the door because she didn't want a Daddy to go to work. This is the text I got when he went back to work, "I'll tell you those hugs from my little girl sure make the rest of my shit days seem pretty irrelevant. She's a sweet kid, couldn't love her any more! Love you too..." He rubbed my back during pregnancy and dealt with my crazy train of hormones. He was there for my labors and births. It was him who first held our daughter after the c-section. During my labor with our son, it was him that held my legs up during pushing and told me I was doing great. It was him that carried on like nothing happened when I barfed on him during both labors. During restless nights, he takes over and sends me to sleep as he snuggles our babies. He changes diapers, makes sure there is milk in the fridge, wakes up early on weekends, plays tea party, worries when the kids have a weird cough...it is him that equal parents. It is him that gets none of the recognition or praise that I get over our sweet babies. It is Dad who is left without recognition. 

I love being a mom. I really do. I understand the intention to honor women and mothers. The reality is that not all women are mothers, not all women love mothering and not all mothers are good mothers (seriously, let's stop pretending as if all moms are good moms. There are shitty moms out there. We know some of them. Their choices suck and their kids are going to suck because of it). As much as I love mothering, I love other roles I've held too. To be put on a holy pedestal because of one role and one aspect of my life - especially when that ideology ignores my partner - doesn't sit well with me. 

So, this Mother's Day, while you honor the love and sacrifices of the mothers out there, lets do the greatest service to them and remember them as women outside of mothering too. Say "thank you" without putting them on a pedestal. Appreciate them for having flaws, making mistakes and still raising you to be an alright person. 

And please, don't put me on a pedestal. I have horrible balance. 

Homemade Beef Chilli

Beef chilli is a favorite in our house. Easy to make and super yummy. We often make this for potlucks and having friends over for drinks in the Fall and Winter. 

Beef Chilli

1 cup dried beans (soaked, drained and cooked) (~$0.50)

1 lb extra lean ground beef (~$5)

1 chopped onion (~$0.50 or $3/ bag of 6)

1 chopped fine jalapeño (~$0.25)

1 540 mL can of chilli chopped tomatoes (~$1.50)

1 540 mL can of chopped tomatoes (~$1.50)

1/2 can of tomato paste ($1/ can or $0.50)

1 chopped yellow or green pepper ($1.25)

1 cup of frozen corn ($4/ bag of about 8 cups or $0.50)

Homemade taco seasoning (Start at 1/2 a teaspoon and go up) ($0.50)

Or 1/2 tbsp chilli powder, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1 tsp garlic powder

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Total for 6-8 servings: ~$12 or $2/ serving. 

Directions for beans:

Put beans and 3 cups of water in a large pot. Bring to a boil and let boil 2-3 min. Take off heat and let sit 1-2 hours. 

Drain beans and rinse with cold water. 

Put rinsed beans and another 3 cups of water in the pot. Bring to a boil, simmer 1-2 hours or until beans are soft. 

Alternative directions for beans: 

Put beans and 3 cups of water in a large pot. Bring to a boil and let boil 2-3 min. Take off heat and let sit 1-2 hours. 

Drain beans and rinse with cold water. 

Put rinsed beans and water in crockpot and cook on low overnight. 

Taco seasoning:

4 tbsp chilli powder

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp onion powder

2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

1 tsp oregano

2 tsp cumin

-Mix in a small container and use for tacos, chilli, Mexican meatloaf, etc. 

Directions for chilli:

Put everything in crockpot. Don't drain tomatoes. Stir and cook on high for 4 hours or low for 6-8 hours. 

Enjoy with shredded cheese, sour cream, cilantro as garnish. 

Try on cooked pasta for a twist. 

Notes:

Omit jalapeño and sub more plain chopped tomatoes for the chilli ones, if you like it more mild. 

If you don't really like chopped tomatoes, sub 8oz of tomato sauce for one can and the tomato paste. 

You can sub 1-2 cans of kidney, black or navy beans for the dried beans. We like more beans than meat for cheaper cost. 

For extra veggies, add in chopped celery, zucchini, spinach or kale. 

Ground turkey can be subbed for beef. 

Add garlic for yummy flavor. D is allergic. 

Can brown beef and onions in a pot and add all other ingredients and cook for 45-60 min on the stove. 

Crockpot beef chilli. We used black turtle beans and white kidney beans. 

Chilli is toddler approved (with sour cream and shredded cheese, of course). 

Homemade beef stew

Juniper's favorite food is stew. We sometimes use moose or elk. I like adding turnip or rutabaga 

Beef stew: 

0.8 kg/ 1.75 lbs beef stew pieces ($8)

1/4 cup flour (pennies from a large bag)

2 carrots - peeled and chopped ($1.70/ bag of 10/ $0.35)

2 stalks celery - chopped ($1.70/ bag of 8/ $0.43)

1/3 cabbage - chopped into large pieces ($2.50 for whole cabbage/ $1)

10 mushrooms - cut in 1/2 ($1)

1/2 bag baby potatoes (16) - cut in 1/4 ($3.99 for whole bag/ $2)

2 large parsnips - chopped into large pieces ($2) 

1 onion - cut into large chunks ($3/ bag of 6/ $0.50)

2 Knorr homestyle beef stock (~$2) + 4 cups water

Or 1 tetra pack of beef stock or 4 cups homemade stock

2 bay leaves

Italian seasoning

Salt and pepper

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~$17.00 for 8-10 servings or $1.75/ serving

Instructions: 

Toss the beef pieces with flour, salt and pepper

Cut all veggies and put in bottom of crockpot

Add seasonings

Add beef to top (do not mix)

Cook 4 hours on high

Time to prep: less than 15 minutes

Notes: 

This recipe is a lot more veggies than beef. You can do 2 lbs of beef or less veggies.

Add some chopped garlic as seasoning, if your husband isn't allergic like mine. 

Add some flour mixed with cold water at the end if not thick enough and let cook another 20-30 min. 

You can cook on the stove too. Brown the flour covered beef in a pot. Add the veggies and stock and stir. Bring to a boil and then simmer until veggies are soft. 

Freezes great. 

Homemade turkey noodle soup

Turkey and chicken noodle soup are huge favorites in our house. I make this all the time in the winter on chilly days. I love the way our house smells. Yummy. 

Turkey stock:

-Turkey backs (<$2)

-1 peeled and chopped onion (~$3/bag of 6 or $0.50)

-4 unpeeled and chopped carrots (~$3/bag of 20 or $0.60)

-4 ribs of celery chopped (~$2.50/bag of 20 organic celery ribs or $0.50)

-broccoli stalks chopped ($2 for broccoli, I normally throw the stalks out so $0)

-4 small parsnips unpeeled and chopped ($4/bag of 25 or $0.65)

-2 bay leaves ($1/ bag of 20, so pennies)

-salt and white pepper

-parsley and thyme from the garden

-7-8 cups of water

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Total: ~$4.25

Instructions for stock:

Put everything in the crockpot on low overnight. 

Prep time: Less than 15 min with toddler interruptions 

For soup:

-keep meat from the turkey

-strain stock and discard veggies and herbs

-you will end up with about 7 cups of stock

Add:

-1/2 chopped onion (~$0.25)

-2 peeled and chopped carrots (~$0.25)

-2 celery stocks chopped (~$0.25)

-1/4 cup small pasta ($2/bag of 2 cups or $0.25)

-additional seasoning

Instructions:

-add all ingredients back to the crockpot (except pasta)

-cook on high for 2 hours or until veggies are soft

-add pasta and cook ~15-30 min

Prep time: 10 min

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Total for soup: <$6

Notes:

I buy turkey or chicken backs at my grocery store. You can easily use the scraps from Thanksgiving or a roast chicken too. Or even bone in poultry. 

If you are going to freeze, don't add noodles. 

Top left: stock cooking

Top right: stock strained

Bottom left: turkey

Bottom right: yummy soup

Cheap & Healthy

There seems to be a lot of discussions on my online mommy boards about cheap, easy and healthy meals for your family. I grew up without a lot of packaged foods. Both of my parents grew up fairly poor with moms who grew huge gardens. Making things from scratch was just how you did things back then. I believe that when you are disconnected from your food source, you eat poorly. Making your food from scratch (as much as possible) brings you back to a relationship with your food which equals eating healthier. Plus, it saves you tons of money. Which means you can buy the more expensive wine. ;)

I will be posting some of my family's favorite recipes and some meal plans along with budgets. No one in my house is dieting or has major allergies. I am a sahm with a full-time working husband. We have one 18 mo toddler who eats everything. 

AP = Crazy

Here's the thing about parenting, there is no "right" way to do it. If you and your kids are happy and healthy - then it is working. It isn't working if you are frustrated, your kid cries all the time, your relationship is suffering...

Not too long ago, I ran into an acquaintance (another parent) and her friend while wearing Juniper on my back in a mei tai. We were chatting about dayhomes and I said that I'm not going back to work, but if I was, I'd want to make sure I found a childcare person who followed a similar style of parenting like babywearing. The acquaintance said to her friend "there are parents who don't just wear their kids for walks, but it is like a lifestyle to have your kid attached to you all the time. Like that crazy mom on the cover of Times." I answered, frankly, "I am one of those moms." Then went on to explain that we wouldn't have survived as a species if we hadn't worn our children. I explained cultural norms about 'extended' breastfeeding and co-sleeping using the Japanese as an example. I even explained it in a cultural perspective, since both my acquaintance and I are Aboriginal. 

The thing that got me about the interaction was being called crazy. This isn't the first or last time I've been referred to as crazy for my Attachment Parenting ways. D and I have been told not to have our child in our bed because it is like "allowing sled dogs into the igloo - they will never leave." I've been told that breastfeeding without bottles will mean Juni will only be attached to me. Don't even get me started on the looks and comments we get while wearing Juni instead of pushing her around in a giant stroller. 

AP parents are called crazy all the time. We are on the receiving end of judgmental comments thinly veiled as concern for our health and the safety of our children. We are seem as crunchy, hippies and unconventional. All for doing a parenting style that was very common up until about 150 years ago. 

People also assume that since we do one aspect of AP parenting that we buy into it all. D and I don't. There are aspects of our parenting that are strongly AP and even crunchy - not because we feel like we need to do those things to fit into a certain title - but because they speak to who we are as people and our natural instincts. 

I have friends who formula fed, had their children sleep in cribs from day 1, pushed them in strollers weren't stay-at-home parents...all non-AP things. I don't think they are crazy or bad parents. They have wonderful healthy children. They are strong as families.  

I hear parents say all the time "my mother-in-law says..." or "my doctor said..." and I ask "well, how do you feel about it?" If something feels fundamentally wrong to you, follow your instincts. We as parents know what our children need. When we ignore the signs and our inner voice is when we get into the whole "I don't know what my baby needs" thing. That doesn't mean you shouldn't read the books or consult medical professionals - you should. But, it means that you need to question the way you were raised and the advice you are being given. 

And for the love of god, let's not call each other crazy when we are trying to do the best for our families. 

Bullying

We see the word all the time. BULLYING. We know kids shouldn't be doing it. We know that some kids commit suicide because of it. Do any of us realize that we do it everyday? I have friends who work in anti-homophobic bullying initiatives. My parents do research in something called lateral violence in Aboriginal communities. Bullying is talked about a lot in my world.

I wasn't really bullied as a kid. I know this comes as a shock to a lot of people considering I was one really effing weird kid. I can name all of my bullies and the situations:
-age 3, family friend kept pushing and hitting me. With her parents' permission, my dad told me to hit her back. I punched her in the face. She never hit me again.
-Grade 3. A kid who I'm pretty sure was named Rocky. He kept throwing my indoor shoes on the muddy carpet in the mudroom. I played nice. Then my mom gave him a talking to.
-Grade 5. A girl in my class kept dropping her pencil under my chair and pestering me. I fake picked my nose and wiped it on her pencil when I picked it up. We became great friends in junior high.
-Junior high. A group of girls I was friends with told me not to be friends with another girl because of her religion. I told them to eff off. 

Me rocking a perm and headgear.

I've been bullied more as an adult in the work place. I've been the only one not invited for lunch. I've been made fun of because of how I dress. I've been called a prude (hilarious, if you know me). I've been screamed at for something I didn't do. I've been excluded because I wouldn't join in mocking another colleague's wife (who happens to be a good friend). I've had my projects ignored. I've even been told that I am "just a secretary" and my opinions don't matter.

I've always been a really confident person. I mean, I pulled off a perm, glasses and headgear. Then there was a period in my mid to late 20's where I felt like crap. It was after I dropped out of university for the second time. I felt like people thought I was stupid and my opinion didn't matter because I wasn't educated. And it was true. I was working entry level positions at jobs I was over-qualified for. I felt like crap. Then I followed my own advice, if you feel like crap - look at who you are surrounding yourself with and take action. So, I did. I got knocked up and left the work force so I'd no longer have to deal with adult bullies...or so I thought.

Then entered the world of "mommy wars." It is a real thing people. And it is ridiculous. The flame wars people have on formula vs. breastmilk. Whether or not to circumcise. Or even the fabrics you clothe your child in are insane. In real parenting groups and online ones, there are cliques. The crunchy moms over here and the chewy moms over there. I've been called "crazy" for being "one of those babywearing moms who breastfeeds forever." I'm crazy, but not because of babywearing. 

You can't always stop your bullies, but you can stop bullying yourself. We might not be punching someone by the bike racks for milk money, but we still bully. Gossip and exclusion are the 2 biggest ways adults bully. We have a rule in my family about talking about people. Before we say something about someone, we ask 3 questions: 1) is it good? 2) is it true? 3) is it helpful? We have to be able to answer yes to at least 2 of those questions. I challenge you all to ask yourself those questions. I challenge you to apologize when you have offended someone or hurt their feelings without accusing of "over-reaction." I also challenge you to call me on my shit. I'm a horribly negative petty gossipy person by nature. If you hear me talking crap, say "whoa..."

Like Ellen always says, be kind to one another. 

Cloth Diapering - Where to Buy

I keep getting asked "where do I buy cloth diapers?"

Here's my answer:

If you have a local store that carries the brands you like - shop there. Yes, they may cost a little bit more, but, chances are, the store is owned by a local mom. You can ask questions to a real person who will help you find the right fit and style for your baby. In Calgary, our awesome shop is Babes in Arms.

If you don't have a local store, look at buying from an online store that is local. For Canadian parents, look at buying from a Canadian online store. Each province/ city seems to have one. I haven't ordered from one, so I can't/ won't recommend one.

Another great option is Kijiji for Canadians. I started my stash from consignment diapers from BIA and used diapers from Kijiji. I highly recommend that you see what the diaper looks like new before buying used. People will claim the diaper is in EUC, when it is falling apart. I fell victim to that whole thing. I paid $80 for 8 Flip inserts, 2 prefolds and 6 covers (2 were terrible, 2 were okay, 2 were GUC) - was told everything was in EUC. 

I'd avoid Ebay unless diapers are being sold by an official eBay seller for that brand. It sounds silly, but there are counterfeit diapers. 

Happy stash building!